Well today marks our 9 month LID anniversary. In one way it seems to have gone by fast but in another way it seems like it has been FOREVER!! When we decided to adopt way back in Dec 2005, I was soooo excited. I couldn't believe that after so many years of wanting a child we were finally going to get our wish. I really felt for the first time that I was actually going to be a mom. I would pick up things when I was shopping and I thought about how I was going to decorate the nursery etc... I would even pick up the odd outfit when I saw something on clearance or something that I just had to have. Well 17 months since we began this whole process and I feel further away from our wish for a daughter than ever. I think because the timelines have gotten so long that it makes it hard to stay excited, don't get me wrong I am still extremley excited it just seems more like a dream than a reality. The one thing that would always boost my spirits was to pick up things as I was shopping but even that doesn't seem so exciting, if anything it makes me depressed that I have no idea when she will be here, I have no idea what size clothes to buy, I have no idea what season we will get her etc etc.... I feel like I have to wait at least another year before I can buy things like a stroller, a carseat, a crib etc... without feeling strange or guilty for purchasing it.
I think I need to start interacting with more people going through the process, I think that will help me to not feel so alone. I see these groups that have LID's months after ours even and the travel groups get together etc... I haven't heard from anyone in our group (with the exception of one) in 9 months. Anyways I think I have bummed myself out enough for today. Does anyone else feel like this?? How do you snap out of it?? What's everyones take on purchasing things??
