15 month LID Anniversary!!

Well today is our 15 month LID anniversary - I wish I could say I was more excited but unfortunatley I'm not. I had a dream last night that we were going to China tomorrow to pick up Mhyia. In my dream my parents were coming with us and we were driving to pick her up. I don't know which part is more unbelieveable, the fact that we were driving to China or the fact that we were going tomorrow!!! Anyways it was a nice dream while it lasted. I just can't wait to get to a month where I have less time to wait then I have already waited. I just wish I could count on some kind of a timeline - I use to think 3 years but when I look at the numbers and the way referrals are going I just don't see how it is possible? If I could at least count on a time of year I would be able to buy little things here and there like I use to but I can't even do that. I use to love thinking about buying things and doing a baby registry, decorating the nursery etc... but now it just seems like I will never get to a time when I feel confident enough to be excited.

As many of you know we had 5 miscarriages while trying to concieve and everytime we were told we were pregnant we always felt like we could not get excited - well that is how I am starting to feel about the adoption. Don't get me wrong I am so excited to be adopting and to be adopting from China because that has always been a dream of ours but I just don't know if that day will come when we feel confident enough to do all the fun things that come along with expecting a child?? Last night Mike said to me while we were talking about the wait "at least we can say we are in the middle of the pile of waiting people, or even better than middle". Well I must say that I had never thought about it that way before - I still always feel like we are at the end of the pile but we're not. There is approx 8.5 months to get through to reach us and there are approx 15.5 months after us so we are closer to the front than the end! I guess that is the way I should start thinking about it because for some strange reason it made me feel better!