Well today marks our 9 month LID anniversary. In one way it seems to have gone by fast but in another way it seems like it has been FOREVER!! When we decided to adopt way back in Dec 2005, I was soooo excited. I couldn't believe that after so many years of wanting a child we were finally going to get our wish. I really felt for the first time that I was actually going to be a mom. I would pick up things when I was shopping and I thought about how I was going to decorate the nursery etc... I would even pick up the odd outfit when I saw something on clearance or something that I just had to have. Well 17 months since we began this whole process and I feel further away from our wish for a daughter than ever. I think because the timelines have gotten so long that it makes it hard to stay excited, don't get me wrong I am still extremley excited it just seems more like a dream than a reality. The one thing that would always boost my spirits was to pick up things as I was shopping but even that doesn't seem so exciting, if anything it makes me depressed that I have no idea when she will be here, I have no idea what size clothes to buy, I have no idea what season we will get her etc etc.... I feel like I have to wait at least another year before I can buy things like a stroller, a carseat, a crib etc... without feeling strange or guilty for purchasing it.
I think I need to start interacting with more people going through the process, I think that will help me to not feel so alone. I see these groups that have LID's months after ours even and the travel groups get together etc... I haven't heard from anyone in our group (with the exception of one) in 9 months. Anyways I think I have bummed myself out enough for today. Does anyone else feel like this?? How do you snap out of it?? What's everyones take on purchasing things??
9 comments:
Tammy you are not alone in your thoughts or feelings. I think that all of the Mommies in Waiting out there feel the same at some point during this long wait. It seems that you'll never reach the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Think really hard.....really really hard, close your eyes and imagine the most beautiful baby singing to herself sitting in that little pot of gold.
That my friend is your daughter and you will have her to fill your days soon. I too wish it was sooner but I'm not a magician and can't make that happen.
There is another Mommies in Waiting dinner in July. You need to come to it and see for yourself how great it is.
PS.....even retail therapy isn't helping me right now either. I have started doing my daughter's lifebook at that is really helping. Maybe you should start that.
Talk to you soon
Paula
PS...... you will receive an invite for the Mommies in Waiting Yahoo group. Join it, this is where all of our get together information is.
Oh, honey, hang in there! You ARE getting there, in fact, you are already 9 months in! (Congrats, BTW) Just keep remembering that you ARE a mom and one day soon your little one will be with you. You will look back on it one day and know all the waiting was SO worth it! She is there.....
I know how tough it is!! Follow Paula's advise and join the group! They are a WONDERFUL group of women all at various stages of the process. It never hurts to make new friends - especially ones that understand what you are going through as they are going through the same things!
Congrats on 9 months! You are closer to your daughter each day!
Hopefully we will see you in July!
Happy nine months! I agree with Paula and Michelle, join the yahoo group, it will help pass the time.
Hi Tammy
How significant really, nine months! It has been both fast in some regards and so long in others.
Previously I use to think - I wonder if she is born yet, but now there is no way to even figure that out. I understand about the shopping too. It was making me feel better for a bit, but not so much now. I do have a cute dress with lady bugs on it attached to my wall by my bed. It makes me smile and hopeful. One day soon our daughters will be playing together Tammy. Thankfully I believe it isn't a "maybe" someday.....just "when".
Thinking of you.
Melody
p.s. I don't know anything about the mommy's in waiting - if you do would you send me info?
Happy 9 months Tammy. I remember all too well what the wait is like. Hang in there, your that much closer.
Deb
(Olivia's lucky mom)
Hey,
You are right about not getting excited! i feel the same way! I have small glimmers of excitement but i think deep down i am trying to hold all my emotions in check!
Have enjoyed your blog do come & say hello at ours!
Our blog
Tammy, I feel the same way. I love to buy cute little outfits but sometimes feel that I shouldn't be buying them. What if someone asks me how old my daughter is? I would have to say I don't know I haven't got her yet. I am so worried about what people think. I know its nuts, I should be proud of this journey but with the wait so long I feel like everytime I tell people and give them some sort of prediction I am lying.
All around me people are getting pregnant and having their babies and I am still as far away as ever from Ava.
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