I would NEVER have imagined I would ever type this post. When we started we were soooo excited and were told 9-12 months. In fact when we started in Jan 2006 people who were then receiving referrals had waited 7 months. I can remember the night they told us at Adopttalk that it could reach 18 months, I cried all the way home.
I am not going to lie - these 5 years have been very hard - during this time soooo much has happened..births, deaths, marriages, vacations, job changes etc... when I stop and think about it it is even harder. We have friends/family that have gotten married and have 2 kids now and yes we are STILL waiting. I think about how Mhyia's Uncle Kevin will never meet her and it makes me sad.
I think the hardest part is the fact that I have not yet gotten to a point where we can truly be excited - we are always cautious. It has always been so far away that we actually have tried not to talk about it too much. Although I want to talk about it - I want to be excited, I want to look at and buy some baby items without feeling silly or guilty. I want people to ask me how it is going and about the process etc... and I find that most people don't ask us ANYTHING and that is hard. I think the past couple of months we have finally started to get a bit excited, and although we are still cautious we are moving forward - we see a small light at the end of the tunnel.
I think about her everyday and I wonder if she is born yet, I think about the woman walking around who is pregnant with her and how this will be the hardest thing she will ever do yet in some strange way the best thing that will ever happen to us. I wonder where she will leave her and if she will leave a note, I think about how we will love her more than anything and try to give her everything yet her birth mom will never know where she is or who she is with. I think about that day we will receive her referral and how I pray she will be as young as possible, and at the very least have her here before her 1st birthday.
We can't wait to go to China, we think about it all the time, we can't wait to meet her, we can't wait to go back to our hotel room with her and hang out just the three of us, we can't wait to be home with her and get on with our lives as a family of three!
So today although in one way sad in another way it is exciting because we are always one day closer to her and to be honest as much as this wait has been the worst thing EVER I feel like the timing is now perfect and we are soooo ready for her!!
4 comments:
Hi Tammy
My name is Erin and I live in Winnipeg. Our LID was July 12/06. I can sure identify with your post. We did receive our referral on Aug. 4. It won't be very long until you're there too; seeing your daughter for the first time! I know what you mean, the waiting is horrendous, and very painful. There is a light at the end of the tunnel; and it is so bright! Hang in there!
Erin
The waiting is sooo difficult but the moment you know your referral has arrived and hear the first of her information (or even better, see her beautiful little face!) you'll know exactly why you waited as long as you did!
Our LID is 8-8-06. We have experienced the same emotions as you. At one time we called our agency and told them that we were done with the process. I feel like that we are getting closer, but we are still cautious about not getting too excited. You are almost there.
Raul..Austin, Tx
Hang in there my friend. We are right behind you!
I hope all goes well tomorrow night. wish we could be there.
lea
xo
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