Once again it has been a loooong time!

Well once again it has been a long time since I have posted....I know...I know...shocking! Well obviously lots has happened in the past couple of weeks. I will work my way back.

Most recently (yesterday) I was sooooo sick, I went to bed feeling sick Friday night and I was sick all day Saturday. I have no idea why but thank god I am feeling much better today (so far). Of couse this weekend we had planned to work on the basement which I was very excited about because we are almost to the mudding and taping part!!! Maybe I will try today!

Thursday officially marked 21 months since our LID. I must admit that the whole adoption has become this thought of "something we wanted once" or "something we use to be excited about" Don't get me wrong I would be ecstatic if I new when it was going to happen or even if it was going to happen. It is just so ridiculously far away that I feel like it isn't even real. I think that is one reason why I am not up on my blogging as I use to be. I feel like "why am I doing all of this" it will just make it all harder in the end if something goes wrong?? I don't know what to think anymore. Mike and I want this more than anything but it seems like every time we start a new path to our dream of becoming parents something goes wrong - like this ridiculous slow down. I have just been thinking a lot about it lately and I just don't know what to do anymore?? Anyways we do have 21 months down and only god knows how many more?? I wish he would tell me!

This is more of a cheery subject - A couple of weeks ago I was on Lea's blog and she was doing a draw for the cutest little china girl. I put my name in and didn’t really give it a second thought (I don't usually win things). Well you guessed it I WON!!! Lea sent her off in the mail and I got her a week or so ago. I took pictures but have not got around to posting about it. She is really so cute and the little tin she came in is also really cute! I actually took my winning as a sign to stick it out!! So for know I am holding on to those thoughts. Thanks Lea, I love her!!!!

A couple of weeks ago it was the MIW dinner. I can't tell you how much I have come to LOVE these dinners. I must admit that lately I feel like "what am I doing" going to these dinners for something that is sooooo far away and that I may never see happen? Going to the MIW dinners makes me feel like I am not the only one on this journey and I am not crazy for sticking it out!!Thank God I have Karen, her and I always drive in together and I always feel 100% better once I have gone. I feel so blessed to have found Karen - she always makes me feel better and I love seeing Samara - it makes me feel like this whole journey is more real and that it will eventually happen. This past time Mike (my Mike) went and hung out with Mike (Karen's Mike) and Austin. He had so much fun!! Mike and Mike seem to have a lot in common and get along great - something else I am thankful for!! I think as hard as this journey is for me at times, at least I have my MIW, I have Karen to talk to, I have my blog to write in etc... Mike doesn't have any of this so I am sooo glad that Mike let him come over and I am even more glad that they seem to get along sooo well. So big hugs and a big thank you Carmody family - you have no idea what your friendship has meant to the both of us!!!

Well I think this is all for now, I am going to attempt to do some drywalling!!

This past weekend!

Well I guess I will start with the bad news first. The CCAA has only matched 3 days this month. I just don't even know what to say or think anymore. When Mike and I started this journey I/we were so excited we just couldn't believe that we were FINALLY going to be parents after trying for so long and after so many losses.

We started in Jan of 2006 and were told 9-12 months after our file went to China. Well our file has been in China for just over 20 months now and we were thinking it would be approx 3 more years. It is ridiculous if you ask me, I just don't get it? I don't understand why this is happening? Are we just not meant to be parents? Mike will be 40 this year and I will be 35. I know that there are a lot of people older than us in the IA program but for us it is just taking too long. If we have to wait three more years (good case scenario) and then another year before you could apply for a second child Mike will be close to 45 and that is the cutoff for a lot of programs if you are requesting an infant.

I just feel like our lives have been on hold for the last nine years and it isn't getting any better. I just wish there was a crystal ball I could look in and know that everything was going to turn out and that we would be parents. I/we have considered switching programs but it is a VERY hard thing to do. We have always dreamed of adopting form China (regardless of our situation) and I can't imagine us not going there but I also can't imagine us waiting 3 more years or more to go?? China has only matched an average of 5.8 days this year and at that rate it would take us another 39 months. That is CRAZY!!!

I just don't know what to do?? I feel like I really can't do anything right now because of my job situation as well. I am only on a 1 year maternity contract and I hope to be able to stay on after that but you just never know?? I LOVE working there and I can't imagine working somewhere else but again only time will tell.

Well enough depressing news, lets get onto something more exciting!! Our niece Emma had her first Communion this weekend and she looked so beautiful!! Mike and I were watching the ceremony at the church and we just can't believe how grown up her and Shayla are!! I swear it was yesterday that Lisa was pregnant with her. The both had readings to do and they did so good! We were very proud of them.

Below are a couple of pictures of Emma after her First Communion! She is so pretty!

20 Month LID Anniversary and the past month!

Okay so today marks 20 months since our LID with China. I still can't believe it has been 20 months and it is even harder to believe that we have almost double that to still wait. Some times I feel like it is going fast and other times not so much. The ONLY good thing about the wait is that my bank account will benefit, although my China savings account is looking pretty pathetic right now. I just hope and pray that somehow things speed up a little (maybe after the Olympics) and that by the end of 2010 we have a referral of our baby girl!

This last month has been very busy I get mad at myself that I don't post and that I don't comment as much as I use to (when I wasn't working) but the days seem to go by so quickly. I really must make more of an effort.

This month was our niece "Shayla's" 11th birthday - I can't believe how grown up she is becoming. It really makes me feel old. Shayla and Emma got "American Girl Dolls" for Christmas and Shayla had seen a bed she wanted in the catalouge. The bed was $118USD and of course I said "what...Uncle Mike and I can make that for less" well I remembered that I had said that the week of her birthday and thought, oh well what the heck we can make that no problem!! The picture here is the bed in the catalogue!!

Well Mike and I set off to Home Depot on the Monday to buy wood, Tuesday we went on a hunt for material and beads (no luck). Wednesday I went on another hunt for beads and found the perfect ones thank God! Then we went back and bought the material that I had found the night before. It was my lucky day because the material and beads matched perfectly! Thursday we started assembling the wood and I started sewing, and sewing, and sewing... Friday I went and bought more matrerial because I used the other stuff up on a "prototype" for the top. Friday night we put on the first coat of paint and I continued sewing. Saturday we painted and sewed some more. Sunday morning we put it all together!

Here is the end result!! She Loved it and she said it was "better than the one in the catalogue" which I must admit I thought so too! It doesn't look that big but it is actually 2 feet tall by 2 feet long by 14" wide!





I covered foam for the matress and then made all the pillows - I spelt out "Piper" (her dolls name) in sparkle paint on the one pillow. The top was made of faux suede and the comforter was satin on one side and cotton on the other (reversible)



And of couse here is Shayla with her new bed and Piper looks to be enjoying it too!! All in all it turned out great!! Happy Birthday Shayla!!




Well I guess that is it for now, I know I will be posting in the next couple of days because referrals will be coming out soon!! The early rumor is that they only matched 3 days this month....I don't even know what to say about this...maybe I will think of something over the next couple of days!

Happy 19 Month LID Anniversary!!

Yesterday was our 19 month LID Anniversary. Neither one of us remembered which I am still wondering if that is a good thing or a bad thing?? I was talking about it on Friday night but it totally slipped my mind yesterday - I guess it was because we were busy.

We went to Landyn's Christening yesterday (our nephew) and then we went to the Mandarin for lunch. Mike and I followed this up by doing shopping and then rounded out the day by hanging some drywall in the basement.

Overall it was a great day - Happy 19 months to us!

I can't wait for a day when we have less months to go than we have already waited. I am hoping when we reach about the 25 month mark we should be about even and then hopefully our months of waiting will be less than that we have already waited?? I guess only time will tell!

Winter Fun - just like when I was a kid!!

So again almost one week late posting this but last night at my MIW dinner I promised the girls I would try to be a better blogger and that I would post about my “Fun Snow Adventure” last weekend. Well after the huge snow storm on Saturday and after we shoveled ourselves out on Sunday (last post) we headed to my Mom and Dads for some good old winter fun!!
Growing up in the country was great - not that I always thought so as a kid but now that I look back it was such a blessing! We always had snowmobiles, our own private tobogganing hills etc... When we were kids my parents would pull my brother and I over to the hills on the toboggan, behind the snowmobile - which was half the fun! We were lucky because we never really had to walk up the hills (which were huge) because my dad would pull us back up with the snowmobile! I remember one time we went, my dad built a little fire and we drank warm apple cider and tobogganed - such great memories!
Anyways last Sunday Mike and I headed to my parents and headed out tobogganing, my dad pulled me over to the hills behind the snowmobile "just like when I was a kid" and it was soooo much fun. It was the most beautiful day, the sun was shining, not too cold, it was perfect! We were out for a couple of hours and had so much fun, even Mike who I think was a little skeptical at the amount of fun we would have had a great time and couldn't stop talking about how it was such a great day and how we can't wait to have more days like this especially when Mhyia gets here!! I absolutely love spending time with my parents, we always have such a great time - these are the kind of days I will remember forever!!

Part of my parent's property

Mike at the bottom waiting to be picked up!

On his way to the top

Mom and I

Me and my Crazy Carpet

My Dad - "boys will be boys"

Snow Storm!!

Well I am a week late posting this but better late than never! We had a huge snow storm that started last Friday, March7th and continued right through the day Saturday!!! We were literally snowed in all day Saturday. Mike and I prepared for this snow event by renting 4 movies and stocking up on groceries. We shovelled once Friday night, three times through the day on Saturday and then again Sunday morning! Who needs a gym?? Her are some pictures of Sunday morning.

18 month LID Anniversary!

Well today marks 18 months since our LID. I remember by the time we actually got our LID the time had increased from 9 months to 14 - 16 months, this is when I told myself "I will just bank on 18 months and that way I will be safe from disappointment"....NOT!!!!!

I can't believe it has been 18 months since our LID and just over 2 years since we started the whole process. I must say that all though emotionally I want Mhyia here yesterday when I think of it practically I can actually say that I think the way things are happening is meant to be. With wanting a new job and just getting this new job, needing to save money, needing to work a year and hope they keep me permanently etc... it just seems like somehow things are working out the way they should be. Now don't get me wrong, the longer the wait the more nervous it makes me but I just have to hope and pray that we too will one day look back at this wait and say "it was meant to happen this way" because we too will have the daughter that was meant to be in our family.

On another note the rumors are starting about referrals for this month – it is looking like it might be January 4th, 2006. Thank God the CCAA is finally going to be referring people in the same year as our LID!!!!! Last month they referred 8 days and if this months date is in fact the 4th that will be another 8 days. I know that the number of days doesn’t necessarily always reflect the same number of babies but I think that if they could somehow average 8 days from now on that would be great!! If they match to the 4th we will have 237 days left until our date – with an average of 8 days that would be 29 more months!!! I just keep thinking 3 more years so I could be very happy with only 29 more months (how sad is that)!

Time is flying by!!!

Okay it has almost been a month since I posted last! Time is literally flying by. With work my weeks go by very quickly which is great. I still LOVE my job and every week gets better. I still worry that I might not be doing everything I should be doing but unless people tell me how am I suppose to know?? Like I have said before I just want to do a great job so they keep me!!!

This last month has been filled with work, dry walling every weekend and a couple of birthday parties! We are finishing the basement and spend most of our weekends putting up drywall, pulling wire etc... I can't wait for it to finally be done. We are doing everything ourselves so it is taking a while but as long as it is all done by Christmas I will be happy.

Well it is almost our 18 month LID anniversary and it is close to the end of the month so we should start hearing some referral rumors soon!! I will post again in a couple of days - on the 29th to be exact!!

17 month LID Anniversary!

Well it has been 17 months since we rec'd our LID - at which time we were told 16 - 18 months haha how things have changed in a year and a half. We were told this month that our ministry approval letter was to expire but it has been extended to July making it 2 years at which time we will need to re-do that. The scary thing is that we will probably have to re-do it one more time after that because the wait times are so long.

This last month has been a great month though! I started my new job which I absolutely LOVE and the time sure flies by when you are working - which is great. While I was off time went by at a snails pace and all I did was surf the web for news on adoption which of course made time seem even slower.

As many of you can understand this wait is sooooo long that it seems like something that isn't even real but with every month that goes by we are just that much closer to our little girl!! This is what I keep telling myself!

My new Job!!

Yes I finally got a new job and so far I am loving it! It is actually a one year maternity leave contract, which of course isn't permanent and makes me a little nervous but I have been told that there is lots of opportunity and they very seldom let people go when they are an asset to the company "I guess I have a hard work year ahead of me".
Speaking of hard work - today was my first day and I was suppose to be working with the current employee for another month before her due date....you guessed it...she had the baby last week (5 weeks early). She and the baby are doing great...I on the other hand am more than a little overwhelmed. I just want to do such a great job and I am so worried that I am just not going to catch on?? I am hoping that in a week or so I will feel so much better.

Anyways I have to go and prepare for my day tomorrow!! I am so use to sleeping in..I miss it already - I can't wait for Saturday!!!

16 month LID Anniversary!!

Well today marks 16 months since our LID, originally we thought we would be home with Mhyia but now I can only hope we are home with her by this time 2010...yes I said 2010!!! That is 3 years from now, I can't even believe I am saying those words. Anyways it is almost 2008 and I am hoping that it will be a very good year for us, I hope it starts off by me finding a job!!

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Well I have had my tree up since the 2nd week of November but I didn't think to put pictures of it on the blog. I have seen others with pictures and I thought it was a good idea, a good keepsake! I have to start thinking of this blog as more of a scrapbook of my wait than as a place I complain to anyone who will listen.
I have the most difficult time trying to take pictures of the Christmas Tree - it either turns out blurry because of the lights or it turns out too bright because of the flash etc... I have tried a million different settings but nothing really seems to work. I wanted a nice picture with the lights on because the tree always looks better with the lights on but it is just NOT happening. Anyways here are some pictures of the christmas tree and as you can see the presents are starting to take over...

The 2 best pictures I could get - one with & one without the lights!





Just some more shots of around the house! I am typically not a huge fan of gold but when it comes to Christmas I try to stick with the traditional red/green and gold - especially on the tree!




Okay this is fun - I am going to take some pictures of my favourite ornaments and post them in the next day or two!

December referrals!

Congratulations to all the parents who rec'd the best Christmas present ever this month!! The CCAA has matched upto and including the 14th - which is only another 6 days worth. Don't get me wrong it could be worse but it also could be sooo much better.
Speaking of things being not so good - I am still looking for work and I am getting really down, anxious, depressed, nervous etc etc.... about it. I had taken a casual part time job recently thinking it might be something that I would love and that could possibly lead to a great futre career etc... NOT - this job was not at all for me so I am no longer working there and am back looking for a full time office type position. I am hoping for a better 2008!!!

15 month LID Anniversary!!

Well today is our 15 month LID anniversary - I wish I could say I was more excited but unfortunatley I'm not. I had a dream last night that we were going to China tomorrow to pick up Mhyia. In my dream my parents were coming with us and we were driving to pick her up. I don't know which part is more unbelieveable, the fact that we were driving to China or the fact that we were going tomorrow!!! Anyways it was a nice dream while it lasted. I just can't wait to get to a month where I have less time to wait then I have already waited. I just wish I could count on some kind of a timeline - I use to think 3 years but when I look at the numbers and the way referrals are going I just don't see how it is possible? If I could at least count on a time of year I would be able to buy little things here and there like I use to but I can't even do that. I use to love thinking about buying things and doing a baby registry, decorating the nursery etc... but now it just seems like I will never get to a time when I feel confident enough to be excited.

As many of you know we had 5 miscarriages while trying to concieve and everytime we were told we were pregnant we always felt like we could not get excited - well that is how I am starting to feel about the adoption. Don't get me wrong I am so excited to be adopting and to be adopting from China because that has always been a dream of ours but I just don't know if that day will come when we feel confident enough to do all the fun things that come along with expecting a child?? Last night Mike said to me while we were talking about the wait "at least we can say we are in the middle of the pile of waiting people, or even better than middle". Well I must say that I had never thought about it that way before - I still always feel like we are at the end of the pile but we're not. There is approx 8.5 months to get through to reach us and there are approx 15.5 months after us so we are closer to the front than the end! I guess that is the way I should start thinking about it because for some strange reason it made me feel better!

Our 1st Christmas Party of the season!!

Well this past weekend we went to our annual Christmas get togehter with friends!! There are four couples and we all take turns having it our houses! This year was great - I was responsible for bringing dessert, which for anyone who knows me is pretty much the only thing I offer to bring. I love baking - cooking, not so much!

Last year Mike and I were shopping at Williams Sonoma (one of our favourite kitchen stores) and we bought this snowman cake pan. I decided that this years Christmas party
would be the perfect opportunity to try it out. Thank god I had actully tried to bake a cake in it earlier in the week because it proved to be a little tricky. Since my trial run seemed okay I figured I would go for it!! Well thank god it turned out okay - you have to bake two halves and then put them together which also worked out okay. Once the little guy was assembled and standing on his own it was
time to decorate him!! I must say I was quite impressed with myself because it turned out pretty good! It took me about an hour to do but he looked good so we headed off to the party. The drive over was a little nerve racking but he made it safely and he was quite a hit!

He didn't look so by the end of the party but he sure did taste good!! I love when I try new things and they actually turn out the way I picture in my head! I think I will have to make this again!!

Our first nephew!!

"Landyn Kenneth Philip DuFour"

Last Thursday Mikes youngest brother Andrew and his wife Kayla had their first baby - a boy!! This is our first nephew and of course he is gorgeous! He was born last Thursday night Nov 15th. Mike and I went to see him last Friday night and then we were in Mississauga again on Saturday for a seminar so of course we stopped in to see him again! We are so excited to have a nephew, we have two nieces that we love to death so this is very exciting! Here are a couple of pictures of him! Congratulations Andrew and Kayla - he is truly a gift from God!!!

Mommies in Waiting Dinner!

Last Friday night (Nov 9th) I went to another Mommies in Waiting dinner. The dinners are held every two months and mommies from all over the GTA and further come out and chat, eat etc.. it is such a great support group! This time we had 13 mommies and little Ava! We have mommies who are already home with their little ones, mommies who have just recieved referrals and then mommies like me who are waiting and waiting and waiting. Also we have mommies who are adopting from other countries too - not just China so it is always very interesting to hear everyones stories.

To be honest at first I wasn't feeling overly excited about going - it seems that any adoption news lately is always depressing and I was feeling like somehow I just needed to try to put the adoption to the back of my mind...yeah right, like that's going to happen. Well I went and it actually made me feel 100% better!! The drive in with Karen was great even though we were in bad traffic the whole time, it gave us time to chat and catch up. I am so thankful for my friendship that has evolved with Karen, I love to visit and talk with her and seeing Samara always makes me feel that it is only a matter of time before Mike and I will be home with our daughter!

Dinner was great, the company was great (Catherine is always so positive she made me feel better right away) and I left there feeling great - stuffed but great!

We always have a gift exchange at the dinner and this time the theme was "reading". I received "Goodnight Goodnight Sleepy Head" and "Five Little Monkeys" I LOVE them! I love both stories and I love books that are hard pages - much less chance of getting damaged etc..!! You can never have too many books - Mhyia will love them!

November Referrals are here!!

Congratulations to everyone who received their referral this month! The CCAA matched up to and including December 8th, 2005 which means that there is now 264 LID's left to match to get to ours (Aug 29, 06). I really have NO idea what this means anymore in terms of time?? Originally we were told 9-12 months (it has been 14 already) then we were told 14, then 16, then 18 then it went to 24 months and then it took a huge jump and went to 3 years and know I swear it is going to be longer although I am praying that it doesn't. Who knows anymore, I just wish I could count on a timeline so that I could actually start to get excited as we get closer but all that has happened for us is that it has continually gotten further and further away. I just want her here as soon as possible!!!

Meeting our Travel Group Friends!!

Well this weekend we went to London and met a couple that we will be travelling with to China (hopefully in this decade!). We are group 272 and we had 7 couples in our group but I think it is down to 5 or 6 now. All of the couples are pretty spread out over Canada and there is NEVER any interaction with any of them besides us.

Both Melody and I have sent out e-mails to our group members when exciting things happen like getting throught the review room etc.. but we never hear from any of them. We on the other hand have talked since day one and this weekend is the first time we have met. It was so exciting to meet Mike and Melody, even though we are a far way off from travelling it made it seem more real and of course we really like them so that is even better, especially considering we will be spending two weeks and one of the biggest most exciting days of our lives togehter!! We live about 2 hours away from each other so we met in the middle for lunch, oh how I wish we lived closer but oh well we have already talked about getting together for some other things so we can't wait!!!

14 Month LID Anniversary!!!

Well once again another month has gone by - not fast enough but at least we are headed in the right direction! I can't wait until the day that our LID anniversary number is larger than the number of months that we still have to wait.

I have been trying very hard to not think about it too much because it is just so far away plus the fact that I am still unemployed doesn't make it any easier. It is very difficult to say $$ for China when you are unemployed. I just keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and I do truly believe that, it's just that I am getting sick of waiting for the reason to come to light!